To Be Honest (2021)
Michael Leviton
rating fantastic
type nonfiction/autobiography audiobook
2021/05/19 Leviton tells us— honestly— of his “Honest Days,” his first three decades or so of life in which he didn’t filter the truth. Leviton’s self-deprecation is balanced well by a sense of acceptance about motivation of his past actions— he may have done some shitty things and doesn’t make any excuses for it, but he conveys well that he was making the choices he felt were best given the principles by which he was raised. The sense of reflection he infuses into his stories also gives the book a narrative arc that is often missing from memoirs, building suspense as to when and how his shift from complete honesty will come about. This memoir read (listened?) like an anthropological study of human interaction from the point of view of some human alien, if that makes any sense, and it worked for me.
- “I could see why respect was better than niceness, and why I couldn’t have both.”
- Growing up, “silence was punishment, confession was connection, and criticism was love.”
- “If you want to know what someone is feeling, ask. And when you tell them, believe them.” → what his father told him, but really not the case...
- “With the unvarnished truth, answers require no hesitation.”
- You can’t convince people to love you by being right.
- Etiquette seen as a complex system of rules for being dishonest, barrier for people from other groups to fit in
- Honesty → no weighing of different kinds of pain, gambling on what is kindest (vs being honest, don’t have to worry about other people’s feelings)
- Chekhov always making people feel good about themselves
- After a period of time if dishonesty, fell back into patterns of honesty— but softer, making sure to empathize with the person he was being honest with
- Followed one rule— read whether the person wants honesty or not